Hey, Only Male Oscar Statues...Sexist Much?

There are lots of movie awards during the year, but there is one that Hollywood people like most because they get to vote on themselves and their friends, kind of like a beauty pageant where only the models get to vote. These are the Oscar Movie Awards. Every year for the past four or five decades, famous Hollywood people get dressed in amazing clothes and show their movies to each other, then vote on which ones they like best.

Now, you will see a lot of people making Oscar “predictions”, but don’t pay much attention to them because they are so not for real. Like ghosts, UFOs and dog sharks, there are no such things as predictions. It’s impossible! Nobody except time travelers and maybe angels know what is in the future. All anyone can do is make educated guessing.

"Trust Me, That One Movie With Those Guys In Vegas In It Will Win Best Picture. That'll Be $10."

Since last year, I have been really following the Oscar Movie Awards and who might win (or should win but don’t win) and who does win (but totally shouldn’t but only does because they showed their boobs). This year, I have put together a list of who and what I think should win, if I were in charge. *HINT*

Hollywood People From A Long Time Ago That No One Even Remembers Get Awards If They're Still Alive. Go Old Guy!

Because the Oscar Movie Awards are on television for a couple hours, they have to have a lot of filler categories that people don’t really care about. I call these the WTF categories:

Best Art Director – If a movie uses famous art in it, like the Mona Lisa or Thomas Kinkade, someone has to not only be in charge of it, but also be able to say whether it is authentic. I think the award is generally given to someone who knows enough to catch an error in a painting (“wait, the Mona Lisa isn’t a man!”) and proves whether it’s a fake or not.  Pretty exciting, right?  *Insert Yawn Here*

If this were a cowboy documentary, this single photograph is worth ten minutes of screen time

Best Documentary Short Subject – Documentaries are those free movies that are on PBS and use photographs to tell a story. ‘Wait, like moving pictures?’ No, they use actual photographs as the movie scenes. Action packed, right? These are usually movies that actors wanted to make, but nobody else thought it was a good idea or maybe just didn’t want to work with that actor whose idea it was (drugs? balding?), so they just go ahead and film it anyway. Kind of like when my cousin Caitlin used to scream, “I don’t need you! I’ll go play by myself and have a way ton of fun!” Sorry, Caitlin, but nobody was jealous of you playing by yourself with that gross, old jacket you found in the basement. It smelled like canned peas!

Now, what I think should be nominated to win in the real categories.

Best Original Score – What this means is usually who has the best music and songs that are performed in a movie. This is a toss off this year because the Jonas Brothers movie might win or Hannah Montana because they all performed their songs on film and people saw it in theaters as a movie. This might actually be what famous bands start doing in the future instead of playing shows at city after city, they just do one show a year, get their parents to film it and people see it in theaters as a movie. (I wish I could film myself taking one test and then send that to all of my classes for finals, right?!)

Best Writing, First Place

Best Movie Writing – As a writer, this was a hard one because I thought a lot of movies had really cool writing in them. Transformers 2 should probably win only because all of the letters in the title moved around and made those “tch-tch-tch-tch” noises when they moved. That was so cool! The other movie that I thought had good writing was Brides Wars because it uses two different types of writing in the same poster: one white and one pink.

Best Writing, Second Place

Best Costume – This is a hard one. Sherlock Holmes wears a few costumes in Sherlock Holmes, so I think he should be considered. The costumes weren’t super extravagant, but they were well done and you don’t realize it was him until after he takes it off and you’re all, ‘OMG, that was totally him. I didn’t realize.’

The other person I think should get this award is the girl Watchmen in the movie The Watchmen because she is able to make a pretty neat costume using plastic-y rubber, but still looks pretty enough that the men Watchmen think she’s cute, so she doesn’t need to even wear a mask.

"Ooh, Mmm, Do You Like My Jennifer's Body? Mmm."

Best Female Actress – A lot of times, this award goes to actresses who have been around for a long time and are starting to not be pretty or get heat flashes, so they start doing movies as someone’s mom or a gay lesbian, which is totally commendable and brave. But this year, in all honesty, though, I think Megan Fox should be considered because she actually made two movies (Transformers and Jennifer’s “fake!” Body) in one year and that is a lot of work. Granted, I think Megan Fox is kind of trashy in that “popular” sort of way, but she did work hard.

Best Actor – I want to give it to Shia, of course, but I really think Robert Patterson from Twilight might get it…or Brad Pitt. Yeah, Shia acted in a lot of explosion situations in his own movie, but Robert had to stand up to a huge group of bad vampires in hoodies, which means he had to get in really good shape. Brad Pitt, in the other hand, had to be able to cut an X in the bad guy’s forehead in Inglorious Bastards without throwing up.

Brad Pitt Talks To The Crowd At An Outdoor Movie

Best Movie – This is the hardest category of all because there are dozens of movies that came out this year. I’m torn between a few movies, so I created a poll so everyone could help me choose! (I tried to keep all the movies anonymous for more honest answers)

Sure, the Oscars Movie Awards aren’t for a few months (July, I think…), but it is still fun to guess and then wait for a really long time to find out if you were right or not. I will keep you posted on whether or not I was wrong about any of these. Until then, I would love to hear your picks!!

Similar Posts:

• The Many Lives Of Shia LaBeouf
• Movie Review: The Watchmen
• Best Motion Picture Oscar Nominees – Part 1

Tags: 90265, bella, best picture, brad pitt, cinema, Cuteness, entertainment, film, hollywood, Malibu, movie review, movies, oscars, popcorn, robots, sexy, sherlock holmes, Shia, silver screen, smartness, transformers, twilight, youthful opinion