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Movie Review: Inglorious Bastards

Bang, Bang, Ouch!, Awww :( Typically, this is my reaction to historical war movies. I am a fan of yummy Brad Pitt, though, so it was a toss up whether to see this war movie. Seeing people shooting guns and other people getting shot or stabbed with bullets has never been my favorite things to watch, but I went ahead and saw this because I figured, well, maybe they won’t kill a lot of people in this movie and, even if they do, maybe it’ll mostly just be bad guys which is kind of like killing a wasp, you won’t feel too sad about it because they’re bad and can poison you. Besides, you never know, maybe Brad Pitt will take his shirt off!

Brad Pitt's Character Carries A Knife That's Called A Switchblade

As most of us who watch movies know, movies about real times in history can sometimes be a lot of fun (ex: Milk, Julie and Julia, Lord of the Rings), but sometimes they are really boring (ex: Hannah Montana, any movie about Romans or Vikings) and you start to not care about history. Well, Brad Pitt knew this while making his new movie and it really shows to the viewing audience. It’s like Brad Pitt wanted to say, ‘Hey, sometimes history is boring, I know that, but I can make it kick some serious butt.’

I'm An Army...Pirate...Waiter. Grrr.

Not only is Inglorious Bastards an historical movie, but it also a remake of the Tom Cruise movie, Valkyrie. Why remake a movie that came out last year, you ask? Well, first of all, because nobody saw it, for one. I think a lot of people looked at the picture of Tom Cruise with the army outfit and eye patch and thought maybe it was a pirate movie and were disappointed when it wasn’t. Personally, I didn’t see it just because Tom Cruise kind of creeps me out. One person who did see it, however, was Brad Pitt and he walked away liking the plot, but knowing that he could do it way better. And guess what,…he totally did do it better!

Soldiers Stand Side By Side In Uniforms In The Army

It’s basically still the same premise as Valkyrie, the good guys dress up like bad guys to blow up the generals of the bad army and end one of the world wars, once and four all, blah blah blah. Brad Pitt stars as Aldo Ray, an army guy that carries a huge knife and an even smaller mustache. His is the leader of the last group of American army men left in the war, so it is up to them to do as much shooting of people as they can in order to balance both sides out. I really liked Brad Pitt in this, but I didn’t understand why he made his character do drugs. It was subtle, (so if you didn’t catch it, don’t even worry about it) but every once and a while, Brad’s Aldo Ray would take out and use a small metal box of cocaine. Was he trying to show that doing drugs will make you do bad things you wouldn’t normally do  (i.e. carve X’s on peoples foreheads *SPOILER*) or was it just his way of trying to shock the audience? Any feedback on this topic is welcome.

The Real Aldo Ray Did Take His Shirt Off

I looked up Brad Pitt’s character online and it turns out that the real Aldo Ray became a movie actor and played in (ready for this…?) army movies. So, Brad Pitt is an actor playing an army guy that was an army guy that became an actor. Makes you kind of dizzy, right?

Brad Pitt was great, but a really good girl character was Shoshanna, a French girl that owns the movie theater. In the first scene, she runs away from her father’s French milk farm because her dad made friends with the bad guys and she is scared of their guns. She hates that the bad guys are taking over her movie theater, so she and her boyfriend (who is played by a black guy, which I thought was really a cool choice on Brad Pitt’s part because it’s almost like he’s telling the audience that they should be open-minded) decide to burn the theater down while the bad guys watch a film festival. *SPOILER*

On French Milk Farms, French Cows Were Used For Milk

The movie may not be good for kids, but I think most people will like it. For people my age, Brad Pitt is in it, so you know you’ll like it. But, I even think people my grandparents age might like it because it takes place a long time ago and the movie has a lot of old time music and clothes, so they might really enjoy remembering stuff.

Thanks to Brad Pitt, Inglorious Bastards kept me entertained enough to remind me that just because history mostly happened to people who are already dead doesn’t mean I have to find it boring.

I give Inglorious Bastards 5 out of 5 winks!

Brad Pitt Never Takes His Shirt Off In The Movie, So I Am Throwing This In

 

 

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This entry was posted by Valerie Atherton on Monday, August 24th, 2009 at 4:22 pm and is filed under movie reviews . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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  • http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/movielady/ Movielady

    Great review! Could it be that this film is part of what will end up becoming a long-running “Trying to Kill Hitler” trilogy?

  • SarJo

    BP is so good in this movie. I laughed when he was talking italian to the german. Only Brad Pitt would do that!

    I wish it was a shorter movie though.

  • Favre

    This was not based on a Tom Cruise movie. Terantino is the director, Brad Pitt is just a actor.
    Your a tool.

    • Mortimer Snerd

      You mean Tarantino?

      And don’t you mean You’re a tool?

      How did you manage to type that while clapping and drooling on the blue bus?

  • waitwhat

    Uh those weren’t X’s Brad was carving on the Nazi’s foreheads.It’s a swastika, ever take history? Not to mention Christopher Waltz gave a better performance than Pitt.

  • http://thesundaylab.com Valollie

    Awesomest review ever! Very thoughtful of you to supply shirtless BP.

  • dcmikeisdead

    It’s obvious that you yourself never saw Valkyrie because it was based on a real Nazi lieutenant who tried to kill Hitler, not an American group who dressed as Nazis. And you apparently didn’t pay much attention to the plot of Tarentino’s film either as the Inglourious Basterds were not the last Army soldiers left in the war. Also, the so-called drugs you say Pitt’s character uses is NOT drugs, it’s snuff, a type of smokeless powdered tobacco. Your review sucks.

    • Anonymous

      remake??? What the hell

  • WTFBimbo

    Go watch the movie again. Also, Go read a history book.

  • OntheQT

    To Favre, waitwhat, dcmikeisdead and WTFBimbo:

    When you find your senses of humor again (after what will presumably be a long and fruitless search), will you please let us know?

    Thanks, have a nice day.

  • Dave Martin

    I hate that people who “claim” to be movie reviewers don’t even pay attention to the DETAILS!!! Like, it’s spelled IngloUrious BastErds, obviously because of a hidden meaning that you wouldn’t understand – and QT would not reveal because of its hidden genius.

    Also, you undermine the work of Brad Pitt when you constantly refer to him as “yummy”. He is a serious actor with “chops” and that needs to be recognized instead of your superficial preoccupation with his bare chest! You insult true actors everywhere! And you degrade the quality of this very important film by focusing on that instead of the controversial message of the oppressed Jews *finally* getting their revenge on the Nazi DOGS!!!

    Not only do most of us LOVE WWII movies and DON’T think history sucks, we enjoy a movie once in a while where the twists and turns of superbly sharp dialog and audacious, if not gratuitous, even esoteric violence surreptitiously brings real historical characters into ingenious, lurid fictional situations to create a perfect postmodern alternative-reality revisionist war movie.

    This was Tarantino’s finest work since Pulp Fiction, and you have obviously COMPLETELY MISSED the subtext of this entire movie which I won’t go into here because I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t yet seen this movie. Suffice it to say it is inherently cinematic, and you’ve all but tarnished it.
    Shame on you.

    • Carter

      Well, Dave Martin. Aren’t you the wise ass. Clearly someone’s thesarus got some use today, eh Dave Martin? And what of the pour spelling and ‘yummy’ references? That’s the path you want to take? So what if he’s yummy? Why does this make you feel so uncomfortable? Hit a nerve there, did I? I happen to agree with Valerie, and I’m not gay or anything. But I’d hardly say a pour Sling Blade impersonation is refective of his ‘chops’. Thelma and Lois, anyone? Lighten up, Dave Martin, if that’s even your real name. You speak for no one but yourself when you proclaim the love of WWII flicks. Pre-modern Civil War movies kick post-modern WWII films asses. No subtitles are even needed. And subtext? Really? It’s an effin love triangle. Suck on that one. Valerie, be careful of people like Dave Martin. They think there’s only one way to look at a movie. Brad Pitt would agree with most of your points, I’m sure. It’s up to everyone to decide the meaning of stuff within the film. That’s why its’ an art form.

      • Dave Martin

        Carter: Listen to yourself! Don’t you have a job? You are probably on that terrible government run medicare the Republicans want to do away with. These posts are so vile it makes a normal person physically ill to read them. Your statements about pre-modern Civil War movies is about as hypocritical as glorifying the life of Che Guevara!

        The ignorant vile hatred that spews from the loons that haven taken over this post is so disgusting it simply defies description!!

    • Thomas

      So Dave- I agree with all the ways you praised the movie, you’ve certainly done a great job analyzing it (most Tarantino fans do). I do, however, think maybe you should reread the vile, understated, 4th grade version of a movie review. It looks to me as though it’s an attempt (however vague and weak) at humor. I could be wrong though.

  • Fans

    Good review, sweetheart. :)

    I asked your father about Aldo Ray and he remembers him. Good work on the research!

    xo

  • Knife collector

    THats a Bowie knife. Not a switch blade. I dont know how you could confuse the too. Your review sucks. You dont even have the plot down. Go watch the movie again.

  • MovieMom

    Pirates say “arrrh” not “grr”. Other than that, i give your review a couple of my own winks ;) Good job!

  • andre

    They let you write articles????????

    Unbelievable. I think you are on drugs.

  • andre

    …and christopher waltz( not a yummy actor valerie, sorry) stole the show. Do people really think you can write a synopsis on a movie???? Get out of the wading pool. I think I could have your job.

    • WTFBimbo

      Ive never lost my sense of humor.What does my comment have to do about humor? Other then the fact that this review doesnt even have the plot down. Were you sleeping half way through???

  • waitwhat

    waltz was twice the man pitt was in this movie, hell even eli roth stole scenes he was in.

  • dcmikeisdead

    I agree.

  • Miguel

    In the movie his name was “Raine” not “Ray”. Yes a play on Aldo Ray, but your laziness reveals your lack of any knowledge of what you speak of.

  • Butchie

    This review proves that you are a dumbass. And anyone who thinks this is a good review, is a dumbass. It sounds like it was written by a 13 year-old girl that got dragged to the theater and texted on her phone during the whole film, then went to Wikipedia and poorly researched her “facts” and decided to write a review. And how was the black boyfriend a good choice by Brad Pitt? Quentin Tarrantino wrote and directed the thing you idiot!

  • Sophie Petersen

    I thought that the Bastards would have been better with Robert Patternson, Justin Timberlake, Zack Efron, Cole and Dilon Sprouse and Shia. It would have made more sense if there gang had all cool members rather than people from other countries like Nazi Germany and Boston.

    BTW, Brad Pitt is hott!

  • linda

    excellent review valerie!! i will definitly go see this now! your totally right about the tom cruis movie
    and i totally love movies about real life like lord of the rings :)

  • Brandon

    Am I missing something? This review is deliberately ridiculous, right?

  • Ed

    I cannot disagree more with this review. FIRST and most importantly, there is not a single ounce of historical accuracy in this movie. Not one whatsoever. The whole premise is just totally rediculous, I do not want to give anything away, lets just say…. “historically” Hitler committed suicide, enough said. Second, it was so painfully boring, unlike I have seen since the death of jesse james, or the incredibly boring The Thin Red Line.

    I love Tarentino movies, but out of his complete cataogue, I would say Inglorious Bastards is at the very bottom of Tarentinos infamous list of great/weird/well thought out movies. I just don’t know where he went wrong, it could have been “glorious!”

  • Chris

    First off, this is not a remake of Valkyrie, he is not sniffing cocaine, he does not carve X’s on there heads, he carves a swastika on there heads and Shoshanna was the daughter from the jewish family that was hiding under the floor boards, the house owner did not make friends with the Nazis, he was being interrogated and searched because the family that was under the floor boards were in fact reported missing and were bing searched for. My suggestion for your next movie review, watch the movie then review it, because I honestly don’t know how you got that information (misinterpretation?) but please pay attention!

  • http://gusphol@hotmail.com mark

    i hope you are aware that when brad pitt does something in a movie its because the director told him to. he didnt write the thing you sumbass.

    • Girl

      What is a “sumbass”?

  • http://freemusicarchive.org/ucanunlearnguitar andy

    I wish this many people read my reviews. It is stupid, but better than other reviews.

  • Birdy

    Brad Pitt: Worst. Performance. Ever.

  • Larry J

    The person that wrote this review is a moron! FIRST the knife that Brad carries is NOT a switchblade but a Bowie knife! SECOND the ‘little box’ contains SNUFF NOT cocaine! Also the movie distorts history and has all the Nazi leadership dying in the theater which did not happen. I saw the movie and as far as a movie goes it was OK. I would have preferred if they had maintained the historical truth.

  • http://nome Dirty Duck

    This review sucks…

    Typical girlie girl shit. “Maybe brad pitt will take his shirt off”

    Please

    …and that wasnt cocaine!

    If you’re going to review a film study it for christs sakes…

    • Carter

      WTF?

  • johnna

    you’re an idiot. Shashanna was a Jew who was hiding under the floorboards…NOT the dairy farmer’s daughter

  • Anonymous

    Wow, did you even watch the movie? Did you pay attention at all? Or did you just watch the trailer and try to piece it together?

    You aren’t acurate at all, and although I agree that the movie stunk, you’re review is even worse!

  • Anonymous

    I could not have agreed more.

    He rewrote history in his movie. Wouldn’t have people been a little upset if James Cameron had patched up the Titanic and docked in New York with all passengers and crew alive and living happily ever after?

    And making the Americans seem like the heros of WWII by assassinating Hitler? Nice try guys, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t show up until Pearl Harbour was bombed…so don’t give yourself the credit!

    I was so disappointed with this movie…

  • Deadcowporn

    Oh my god! I didn’t even know it was a remake! Theres no way I’m ever going to watch Valkyrie now, I just don’t think Tom Cruise would be as cool with a switchblade like that.
    I did catch the drug references though and while it clearly was to show that Brad Pitt was a bit dangerous and edgy, he did say at the end of the film that he was going to be given out to so thats probably what that was all about.
    I think Brad Pitt could remake Pearl Harbour next. It’s been forever so no-one remembers it and he could totally re-use some of the bits from the first movie. YOU HAVN’T SEEN PEARL HARBOUR UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN IT THROUGH THE EYES OF BRAD PITT AND JOSH HARTNETT!!!

  • God

    This is God. I am ashamed I created someone as dumb as you. May I have mercy on me.

  • blind god follower

    Hey God? Why did you create her, and Mormons?

  • jessica

    it’s once and FOR all.
    not once and FOUR all.
    let’s look over our reviews next time, shall we?

  • http://fandango.com Harry Medved

    valerie, you rule! what a brilliant idea for a site – I’m going to be a regular fan – your reviews had me laughing out loud – keep up the great work!

  • azsxdcfv

    Eat sht an die you ignorant btch!

  • Hammerhand

    I too thought it was an excellent film; however, I think that if you walk into the theater expecting some sort of Tora Tora Tora! meets Kill Bill story, ie an historically accurate one, you will be disappointed. This movie is a satire, it satires almost every aspect of WW2 and our take on WW2 almost 70 years later. If you look closely almost everything that takes place in the movie is satirical of something, but the subject I thought was directly parodied the most was, indeed, Valkyrie. The gist is this: “Oh yeah, look at me! I’m a Nazi willing to betray the Fuhrer and save the world. I’m a hero! Yay me!” Nazi or not, German or not, living with and fighting for a country/ideal/man that is perpetrating the atrocities committed by the Third Reich is, by my standards, unacceptable. If I were a German alive during the tenure of the Reich, I would see myself as having three options: get out, pull a Shindler, or die trying. That pretty uniform Tom Cruise wore was, for his character, not a disguise; and was much more than just a pretty uniform.

  • Hammerhand

    I would like to add two more things; well really 3 b/c I would like to point out that some of these people who are pretending to “critique” your post are really stepping over a line and being anywhere from under-handed to just plain rude. That being said, I must point out that J.R.R. Tolkien’s imaginary universe, predicated upon stories such as Lord of the Rings, Silmarillion, and The Hobbit, is not a “time in history” as you put it. John wanted the reader to make up their own minds about this universe’s place in reality and history and not that this was, in fact, the ancient Earth. Secondly, you seemed to be misplacing Quentin Tarantino with Brad Pitt. You referred to Brad as the writer and director which he most certainly was not; furthermore, you do not mention Quentin’s name once, when this movie was his idea.

  • Jackie

    did you even SEE the movie? Not only do you get the character names wrong, Lt. Aldo Raine, but you get the whole premise wrong – nothing like Valkerie – and the French girl’s Dad was not the one who made friends with Nazis! It’s not historical and how is your example of Lord of the Rings a historical film?

    Joke, GT? then where’s the punchline? it’s just reads like a douche.

  • anon

    Yet another myth making film about super evil Nazis and the wonderful ‘chosen ones’.

    Give us a break already! This work of ridiculous fiction is being brushed up as some sort of ‘based on a true story’.

    Instead of making these puerile and juvenile movies QT should find something useful to do with the rest of his life.

  • Hammerhand

    Oh come on, did you not read my post. This movie is NOT and NEVER pretends to be history, it is satire pure and simple. Oh yeah and btw, it has everything to do with Valkyrie (you missed the “y” there Jackie) anyway it is set during the time and place of Hitler’s Third Reich so to say it has “nothing” to do with Valkyrie is pretty silly. Good God I swear all the people capable of making intelligent and informed arguments and/or counter-arguments are too busy with law school or something.

  • lakesladyInSC

    Wow – did the reviewer even watch the movie. So many facts and features of the movie were mis-stated, as already noted here. I am not for or against QT – I haven’t seen most of his movies – so I am not able to comment/compare on that. I never did take the movie as “truth” – just how the director wanted to portray what could have happened… rewriting history, if you will. Does anyone else care to comment on some of the themes? … it struck me that Aldo’s crew/team became as engaged in their killing as the Nazis did – - sort of “adopting the evil” that they were supposed to fight ? Comments?

  • Hammerhand

    Yes excellent, didnt think anybody was going to post. Aldo and his basterds did indeed “adopt the evil” however there is a big difference, namely what their motivation was, Aldo wasnt into genocide of innocent people haha

  • Sophie Petersen

    I can’t believe that everyone is OMG about the switchblade….

    Its called a David Bowie Knife, jerks!

  • Anonymous

    If you are being stupid ironicly well done… if not please don’t breed!

  • http://valeriewriter.wordpress.com rensil d’souza

    they just fooled the audience in the end..
    or i assume they were trying to renew the history’s fact for putting some additional interesting plot in it..but that never make audience feel lyk…BRAVO! wat a film….undoubtedly BP had done gr8 job in his place..

  • Mike

    That was the worst review of a movie I have ever read. Thank you

  • Al

    I love your reviews! Don’t get discouraged by the people who take themselves too seriously.

  • roelow

    Valerie you’re joking right……

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