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Movie Review: The Clone Wars

 

All of the amazing action and admirable charm that has become associated with the Star Wars films is still very much present in this fourth installment of the series, The Clone Wars.

A long time ago…

Since beginning in 1999 with Episode I-The Phantom Menace, George Lucas’ Star Wars series has been taking audiences (mostly boys) to a galaxy far away in space. Due to its popularity, two more movies followed: Episodes II and III. These were released in the theater. In 2004, three more movies followed but were sold only as a DVD box set and never shown in theaters.

But, Star Wars returns to the movie screens this summer with a cartoon version titled The Clone Wars (I apologize for not knowing which episode this movie is, but it never says.) This new movie brings back some Star Wars favorites like C3-PO, R2-D2 and OB-1, but also introduces new characters that fans are sure to love.

OB1 and Robot Talk About Stuff

The whole movie is about a war between a robot army and the other army that dresses like robots. OB-1 and Anakin are Jeddi warriors who prefer the use of glowing swords and magic to ray guns. The Jeddi warriors are amazing fighters and can pretty much beat up anyone, but they use their magic for good. Well, most of them. There is one, an older man named Darth Sith, who uses his magic powers to control the army of robots.

As the story unfolds, we meet several of the new characters. First, there are the slug people who make you squirm, at first, but you grow to appreciate them. There are a lot of slugs in this movie, actually. One is a baby slug and one is an openly gay slug. The baby slug, called Stinky in the movie (I swear, I’m not being mean. That’s what they called him! LOL) is kidnapped by Darth Sith and his dad wants him back, so Anakin and R2-D2 and Padawan, a female Jeddi character (go girl!) do everything they can to rescue it. In exchange for finding Stinky, the dad says the Jeddi can come to his planet anytime they like.

Tons of amazing battles and amazing drawing make The Clone Wars a treat for almost everyone. Older people might not like it because it is on the loud side, but a lot of young people will like it. As for little kids…well, what’s to say? Little kids are gonna love this cartoon!

Padawan Kicks Some Serious Butt

 

Who knows where this story will go in the next episode. Will the robots end up winning the war? Will there be any romantic developments between Anakin and Padawan? We will have to wait and see.

I have to congratulate George Lucas for being brave enough to have an openly gay character in his movie. Also, I think little girls will think Padawan is the coolest, toughest female ever to be put on film. She holds her own with the Jeddis and proves that it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl,…magic makes everyone equal.

I give The Clone Wars 4.5 out of 5 winks

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This entry was posted by Valerie Atherton on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 4:24 am and is filed under movie reviews . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
  • Anonymous

    Also, a regular person could seriously not be this stupid. Seriously, are you parents a piece of shit and a tuna sandwich?

    • http://www.valeriewriter.com/2010/01/08/movie-review-sherlock-holmes/ Dee Spetor

      language, please.

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha–someone’s awfully bent out of shape over a movie review on a free blog. Maybe jealous because Valerie will probably end up on a panel at ComicCon next year and he’ll have to buy his ticket yet again.

  • Anonymous

    I mean seriously how dumb does a person actually have to be to say this?

    ” Who knows where this story will go in the next episode. Will the robots end up winning the war? Will there be any romantic developments between Anakin and Padawan? We will have to wait and see.”

    WATCH THE FUCKING PREQUEL TRILOGY.

  • Anonymous

    Beginning in 1999 with Episode I-The Phantom Menace, George Lucas’ Star Wars series has been taking audiences (mostly boys) to a galaxy far away in space. Due to its popularity, two more movies followed: Episodes II and III. These were released in the theater. In 2004, three more movies followed but were sold only as a DVD box set and never shown in theaters.

    Holy shit, we’re you born yesterday? Any right minded person would know that the first Star Wars came out in 1977, followed by the Empire Strikes back in 1980 then Return of the Jedi in 1983. George Lucas had this allllll planned out way before your dumb incest parents decided it would be wise to dump a dumbass called you. Just wow Valerie, I applaud you. You are officially the dumbest person on the face of the Earth and I hope somebody will help you in putting you out of your misery. Do us all a favor and for the love of God, shut the fuck up and just resume playing Barbies or something.

  • j

    ouch man, be nice

  • Fans

    Another great article, sweety! Your father texted me from Hong Kong and said he would read it first thing in the morning.

    XO

  • Anonymous

    I bet her father’s getting some kung pow from a nice Hong Kong hooker

  • Dan

    You all do realize this is all satirical, oh…wait, no you don’t….. *makes worried face*

  • http://backandtothefuture.wordpress.com/ David Levy

    It’s all too easy to be a prick when you’re going to be anonymous, eh?

    Hi again Valerie! Obviously, I got your alert that a new review was up.

    MUCH better structure this time. As some people above have pointed out – though I will be much more polite than they are – a little research would have told you that the original movie was released in 1979 (I think, maybe I should do some research of my own!) and two episodes followed it. There are a great number of so-called fan-boys, and a wealth of history, mythology, and whatever else you could fit into a review. In all seriousness, you could probably write about ‘Star Wars’ forever.

    So, in short: better structure this time around, but Indiana Jones was a better review – simply because it had more ‘fact’ in than the last. Combine the two, and you’ll be well on your way!

    Make sure you keep me updated – and ignore the idiots

    xx

  • http://synfibers.com David Josselyn

    @David Levy: Yes, you should. 1977. :)

    It seems that this is a young person’s blog and some of the members of the peanut gallery aren’t taking that into account. That’s a shame, but I suppose it just goes to show that content, and not the source, is what is ultimately judged in the marketplace.

  • Anonymous

    You are the dumbest hunk of shit alive. Learn to spell and read up on some Star Wars history, dumbfuck

  • SarJo

    OMG, there are some real a-holes on here! Why comment if you don’t have nothing nice to say?
    Ignore them. Their just mean and bitter.
    We love you, V!!

    -S

    • http://www.yahoo.com/ Irais

      Now we know who the sniebsle one is here. Great post!

  • The Jesus

    I DO hope this is satirical. If it is, congrats! you managed to piss of some fan boys who can´t take a joke. If its not; why stat a blog review about movies if you don´t know a thing about movies? so stop. just. stop.

  • Todddman

    You did another fantastic job, honey. Don’t listen to these people. We can talk more tonight.

  • john

    Good review! Can’t wait for the next one.

  • OMFG

    there didnt came 3 out in 2004 those came out in 1977 till 1983
    Before writing this review watch the other six movies
    omg you are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!

  • f#ckingbadreview

    you dont no anything about star wars, Do you know what a padawan is? a padawan is a jed aprrentice not a person, miss “padawan” real name is ahsoka and clone troopers aren’t robots etc. etc. etc…….. and anakin is married so he dont hook up with his padawan

  • Spell Chuck

    It’s amazing how one positive review for what looks to be a very mediocre movie can bring so many losers out of the woodwork. You Star Wars geeks should be happy that flick is generating any good press.

  • Skippy the Jedi Droid

    Actually, Spell Chuck, I saw this movie with my boyfriend and we both thought it was pretty good. As adoring but cautious fans of the Star Wars universe, we went into the theater expecting disappointment and were pleasantly surprised when that disappointment didn’t come. Yes, the animation’s blocky and weird-looking, and yes, it’s milking the franchise, but it’s got pretty much everything in it that makes Star Wars good. In fact, it omits at least one of the things that made Star Wars *bad*: since Anakin and Padme never see each other face to face in this movie, they don’t share any terrible romantic dialogue!

    I think this is a satire because of the author’s “ignorance” about the original trilogy – specifically, the fact that the films were released in theaters. Even though they were first released before I was born in 1986, I certainly remember when they released the Special Edition in 1997. There was an incredible amount of hype surrounding the Special Edition, and it’s pretty hard to believe that all the buzz just passed over eight-year-old Valerie’s head without leaving some kind of impact.

  • Rebecca

    Well, the first thing that struck me, of course, was the inaccuracy of the timeline. Since I was born in 1967 it jumps right out at me. To be fair, she is young, although not as young as the writing style and vocabulary would suggest, and prequels or stories created out of chronological sequence are far more common in print than in film. (Horatio Hornblower and the Narnia series come immediately to mind).

  • christapie

    Wow, way to let your hate flow through you, guys.

  • jesuspunishes

    ob-1!?
    jeddi !?
    lol…its funny to see how any dumbass can write an article today and get away with it..

  • sjapie

    O my God!! nothing of this review is correct
    you dont know anything about star wars, do you?
    have you actually see this movie? those men dressed like robots are clones.
    do get the picture “clones” and “CLONE” wars omg you are soooooooo stupid!!!!!!!!

  • shawn stevens

    White people like making anonymous comments on little girls’ blogs.

    Keep your head up, Val. We support you.

  • what?

    white people, you racist!

  • http://www.myspace.com/rustyhootmotionpictures TrinsicX

    The whole movie is about a war between a robot army and the other army that dresses like robots.

    That is the best one line synopsis of any of the Star Wars movies pre-Episode 4 that I’ve heard yet!

    It’s great to get the perspective of someone that isn’t immersed in the Star Wars mythology. If you consider watching the Clone Wars without seeing any of the other movies, this is probably exactly what a review would be like! I doubt The Clone Wars spends any time at all going into the history of the Star Wars universe.

    Valerie, I applaud you for taking on a review of a Star Wars film, especially not knowing the gigantic mythology behind it. Maybe if you had known the kind of level of insanity the fanboys use to critique anything Star Wars related would might not have posted this review. Which would have been a shame, because out of context and for what it is.. It’s a good review, and a good start learning how to be a writer.

    I’m sure a lot of writers out there have things from their early days that they might not readily share with the rest of the Internet. With the ubiquity of the Internet now, everything gets posted here, and I am happy to see the beginning writing of someone that may very well end up being a big time writer in the future!! Keep it up and don’t let all the criticism get you down!!

  • Seriously Terribad

    In all honesty this was a seriously terrible review. Completely clueless. I’d suggest you work harder on understanding your material or don’t bother. This movie review adds nothing of value to the world.

  • Samlol

    LOLOLOL.

    This has to be a piss take! It has to be. Really funny stuff!

  • Gk

    It didn’t state that this blog was a satirical one. Also, the reviews are very earnest, so I doubt it is so.
    Valerie, you still have a long way to go. You have the construct down: background, film plot and what you like, didn’t like etc. But the research needs to be thorough. Wikipedia will tell enough to non-star war fans like you. It wouldn’t hurt to get these movies and watch them and maybe do a full review of the entire series. You review contains a lot of unforgiving factual errors, but you’ve got the idea of a review down. I’m a seasoned film reviewer for over 15 years, and NOT a Star Wars fan, and while I didn’t appreciate all these errors, overall it isn’t all that bad.

  • Shrink

    The morons who write such trashy comments give away their mental capacity and either should return to the dungheap that spawned them or get shipped out of the oxygen zone.

  • itchy

    @ trinsicx
    > If you consider watching the Clone Wars without seeing any of the other movies, this is probably exactly what a review would be like!

    if you only see this movie you must know that those man dressed like robots are clones and that the female jedi name is Ahsoka not padawan, and what about darth ?sith??? do you mean darth sidious or count dooku????

  • johnyboypi

    OMG, Val, your review is the sheez! I give it 5 winks out of 5! I’m so glad we agree on the movie, it’s like we’re cuzzins or something. Oh yeah, but the one thing that’s kinda wrong is the movies that came out only on DVD. They actually came out in theaters in like 1996 or something, cuz I remember seeing them with my dork brother. Most of them are pretty stupid, but that chick looked way tight in a bikini. ;) Sorry, old dudes, but if the movies came out in 1975, then that means they would have been in black and white, and they’re totally not!

  • sjaaky

    @ johnyboypi
    -Sorry, old dudes, but if the movies came out in 1975, then that means they would have been in black and white, and they’re totally not!

    What? the movies that came out in the around 1970 arent black and white
    and the first star wars movie came out in 1970 and it isnt black and white
    are you stupid or what?

  • reuniview

    Its not a question of being stupid or angry star wars losers- this review cannot be seriously satricial. its too rediculous to be a joke. The whole review reads like a childs book report. the lack of research and awful spelling mistakes are not ironic or clever. its just uncomfortable. the indy review was better than this but still no way near to being competant.

  • OOM-19

    Watch the movies and read the books, then you can make edits in your review.

  • MomofYounglings

    Hello Valerie, I am the mother of two boys who are ginormous fans of Star Wars. As I read your review my mouth was hanging open! Even 30 minutes of research on the internet would have yielded more information that you seemed to have on the history of Star Wars. But…..that’s not the biggest issue for me. My concern was the way you referred to characters. The slugs? If you watch the movie it is clear that this is the Hutt family, and they even refer to their names (Jabba, Zero, Rotta) in what I thought was a clear fashion.

    “The whole movie is about a war between a robot army and the other army that dresses like robots.” This is a review? At least do some research to find out the names of these armies!

    Finally, remember a review is something to help a reader determine whether or not to see the movie. If I had not seen the movie myself, I would have been totally lost reading this one.

    RESEARCH RESEARCH! Do more than just watch the movie!

  • Anonymous

    Try starwars.wikia.com if you want to do any Star Wars research.

  • http://fragwagon.com Pad See Ew

    You gotta delete your spammy swearing commentators, Valerie. :)

    Anyway, agreed with the review…except I don’t think the Hutt character you mentioned was meant to be anything as overt as “openly homosexual”. It’s a cartoon…homosex doesn’t enter into it. Unless I’m taking crazy pills or something.

  • Corey

    Wow, I can’t believe there are people in the world who would read this and think it’s real. Wake up fanboys! And keep up the reviews, Val, they’re great!

  • jan

    wow! reading the comments of those who actually like this review makes me realize that there are a lot of stupid people like you val!!

    who would have realized?

  • jan

    so..toddman, ure valerie’s college sweetheart..u guys go to what, community college or something? she’s 18 and she writes this bad??

  • chimchim

    this was a great review. i may actually see this movie now. i cant wait to see what george lucas does next.

  • http://memsaabstory.wordpress.com memsaab

    This made me laugh so hard I cried. An openly gay slug person! Ob-1! *falls off chair again*

  • starwars4fan

    Valerie, as a long time Star Wars fan (since I was a kid, when I used to go watch B&W movies in the theater), I think you have perhaps written the finest assessment I’ve ever seen of the whole Lucas empire. Only slight factual error (as others have pointed out) is that you missed Episodes 4, 5, and 6–oh, actually IV, V, and VI–which did come out sometime long ago, in an apparent time twist. You should watch the boxed set. I’m sure you would really grow to love the Harley-riding teddy bears in VI, who seem fierce at first, but then warm and fuzzy. The only downer in the whole six movies is Episode IV, which is sadly lacking in slugs, teddy bears and super cool technology. Everything looks old and beat up, but that’s how things were in the ’70s. Just be glad you grew up after all that.

  • YOU GUYS ARE REDICULOUS

    GOOD JOB VAL!

  • http://www.alternavox.net Mikhail

    Loved the review and thank the lord you are not one of those pathetic types who are too buried by their inner cynicism to just enjoy themselves and see the bright points of something! Check my magazine when you can as well! who knows you may just want to write for it one day!

  • Anonymous

    either ur a writting genius with this gag or a complete dumb fuck

  • jarjar

    omg i shited myself of laughing. this review is bad

  • Stagger Lee

    You go, girl. This is the funniest and best reviews I think I’ve ever read. I recommend it to everyone and I always tell them, don’t drink anything when you read it uless you may wind up splaying it all over your moniter. LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Keep up the good work.